BDSM is not a new phenomenon - its history arises from the convergence of varying cultural, historical, gender, sexual and erotic influences. Acts of BDSM existed in early civilisations; ritual flagellation of young men at the altar of Goddess Artemis Orthia existed during Ancient Greece, while the Kama Sutra described how pain and pleasure can co-exist in sections on passionate slapping and sexual biting. However, it wasn't until the 1880s that German psychologist, Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing published Psychopathia Sexualis, the first text on sexual pathology and homosexuality. He also coined the terms 'sadism' and 'masochism', which are still in use to this day.
To many, the concept of masochism as a kink is easier to grasp. After all, we humans do derive pleasure from various forms of pain in our everyday lives - weight lifting, marathons, getting a tattoo or simply munching on hot peppers. While pain functions as a warning signal, our bodies are biologically hardwired to adapt to and neutralise such undesirable external stimuli. The link between pain and pleasure is, in fact, rooted in our biology. For starters, pain causes our endocrine system to release endorphins, which block pain, while dopamine, the pleasure hormone, creates sensations of pleasure and reward. This influx of endorphins and dopamine induces waves of euphoria - whether chomping down on hot peppers, or engaging in masochistic sexual activities.
However, the concept of sadism - deriving sexual gratification from someone else's pain, humiliation or discomfort - is harder for outsiders to fathom. Who derives satisfaction from voluntarily causing hurt or mental anguish on others?
I don't blame them. It is indeed hard to reconcile sadism as a kink preference with 'normal' psychological functioning. In fact, pop culture, like our gore movies (think SAW) and clinical studies liken sadism to psychopathy - or at best, sexual disorders. In social psychology, sadism is sometimes associated with prior cycles of negative emotions, frustration, violence and abuse.
I don't disagree.
However, experienced professional dominatrixes like myself, honed in the art of sadism, carry our practice differently. I am an empath. I devote my time and energy to understand the experiences and feelings of my subs from outside my own perspective - their experiences, anxieties and motivations, to make them feel comfortable and accepted in their own skin within my safe space that I curate. As an empathetic sadist, I recognise that inflicting pain, humiliation and discomfort is perverse. However, to be able to deliver pain in the right doses to a masochistic sub requires skill, talent and heightened empathy to fully understand their thought patterns and how they feel, to induce an euphoric high and satisfaction within them.
As a masochist and a sadist, I connect with the pain I induce on my subs. It is a sacred moment of shared energy and uncovering commonalities; every stroke of the cane, every crack of the whip - as it lands right on the skin of my sub, it hits close to home within me. The anticipation, trepidation, tremors, gasping moans and heightened breathing my ensnared sub goes through; the same emotions course through my veins. I relish in the moment of trust and bond moulded through the shared experience.
In addition, I get the satisfaction of seeing my subs challenge themselves to push their limits beyond what they thought they were only capable of, under my watchful eyes.
That being said, I prioritise my subs' well-being, to ensure that they relish in their dopamine-fuelled euphoria and kinks in my safe space where they can seek refuge to be their true selves, without prejudice or judgement.
Sadism - it's really more than just pain.
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More about our professional ethics as a professional dominatrix in Singapore: here
About FemDom, Goddess Ashley: here