Being a professional dominatrix isn't just about smacking asses, tying boys up and taking their tribute. As a professional and a kink mentor, I've come to realise that techniques are the easiest to teach and learn. Anyone with sufficient determination can learn the fundamentals - to master a single tail whip, to tie a single column knot, and the like. Outside of acquiring functional skills and procuring the tools of the trade, the things that are hardest to learn are the underlying values and principles such as one's concept of consent, risk-aware kink and respect. These values represent our commitment to the practice and to the larger community.
What it takes as a Professional Dominatrix
Being a professional dominatrix also brings with it a heightened sense of responsibility and care towards these subs. Extraordinary empathy is needed to understand their motivations, anxieties and kinks, to create healing spaces and to curate shared energies and experiences for each and every one who passes through our door. Regurgitating their fantasies is one thing - understanding how their motivations, anxieties and experiences shape who they are, is yet another.
In recent years, the discourse on sexuality and sexual health issues has seen a reawakening. As professionals, this also includes continuing education on our part and understanding topics of intersectionality, sexual inclusivity, as well as social, racial and sexual equity. This goes a long way towards understanding how sexual orientation, gender identity and social norms shape societal stigma, discrimination, potential anxieties and traumas for our subs.
A quality professional dominatrix experience goes beyond regurgitating kinks. It should provide subs with the opportunity to explore their sexuality and kinks along with their values and sexual identities. It should also allow them to hone their communication skills, deepen their understanding of consent and refine their decision-making abilities, all of which are quintessential to crafting healthy relationships throughout their lives. This is the higher duty of care we owe to the subs who walk through our doors, and into our community.
And in the words of Mistress Mira (Bonding, Netflix, 2021):
What does being a professional mean to you?