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I really dislike being a BDSM Dominatrix caricature

Updated: Dec 11, 2023

The vanilla outsiders (sometimes even the insiders) think that as a Professional Dominatrix (What's a Dominatrix? Wikipedia describes it as is a woman who takes the dominant role in BDSM activities), I spit on subs, whipping them into submission, or pushing their limits a bit each time, as their whimpering reverberates in my room. But the truth can never be further away from that. It’s easy to blame pop-culture, Fifty Shades of Grey and all that jazz, but I think it’s the stereotypes and lazy associations we make with a BDSM Dominatrix.


I Really Dislike Being A Bdsm Dominatrix Caricature

Deep inside all of us, nested within our unconscious selves, lie our shadowy desires, repressed taboos, and deep-seated anxieties. The unconscious self of ours shapes our characters, motivates us, and makes us behave the way we do, sometimes beyond what our rational, conscious self understands. (Have you had one of those moments where you flared up at someone/something and when you cool down, you go, "What the fuck did I do that?" That's your unconscious self-acting out.)


Understanding our deep-seated unconscious selves is a lifelong process of gaining control of our own narratives, crafting our identities, and shaping the relationships we hope to seek. It is what makes our lives fuller and more vibrant. I have spent the larger journey of my Dominatrix years making space for subs to uncover their unconscious selves. Before subs discover how/where they want to grow, they first need to understand how they arrived here.

Some thought starters for those trying to understand themselves better:

  1. What motivates you?

  2. What does submission mean to you?

  3. How do you express your erotic energy?

  4. What do you want to feel?

  5. What is holding you back from expressing your true authentic self?


I am more of a facilitator than a dominatrix the world makes me out to be. If you want your balls stepped on, or needles stuck into your penis, by all means, seek a fantasy maker. If you crave to understand the impasse of your past leading into your present and where to go from there, come to me. And let me end with a quote from Carl Jung: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate.


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More about our professional ethics as a Professional Dominatrix in Singapore: here

About FemDom, Goddess Ashley: here

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