The curtailment of social activities since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic as Singapore moved from a circuit breaker, various stages of reopening, and now, Phase 2 (Heightened Alert), has proved challenging for many of us. Anxiety over local COVID-19 case numbers, loss or reduction of income, increased friction between family members from prolonged work-from-home arrangements and blurring of work-life boundaries are some reasons that have led to an increase in stress and anxiety levels.
Urban legend would predict a baby boom 9-10 months post-lockdown, but as it turns out, lockdowns have actually contributed to less sex between adults! In a study conducted by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, over half of all participants reported a decline in their mutual sexual activities since the COVID-19 pandemic began. Negativity and uncertainties due to the COVID-19 situation in Singapore have both increased social friction for couples living together - hardly serving as aphrodisiacs in relationships.
While intimacy can be a solution for relieving stress and friction between adults, an excess of the latter can sometimes overpower the desire from sex. The anxiety that manifests from uncertainties of one's future - fear of contracting the virus and passing it on to one's elderly parents, job losses, as well as other causes - can have a big impact on our sexual desires.
Looking to boost your sex life during the pandemic? Here are some tips from a Professional Dominatrix:
1. Give your partner some space
Quality time, not quantity time. Prolonged work-from-home arrangements have lead to an increase in the quantity of time with your partner; yes, making him his daily fix of morning coffee or cooking dinner for him may be sweet, but speaking too loudly over your Zoom calls or not using a coaster for your cold drinks are accumulative annoyances. The daily interactions we have while working in the office during the day offer diverse experiences, unique sights and sounds outside the home - we return home after, rejuvenated to be next to our partners. During WFH arrangements, quality time is diluted and regressed to daily mundane tasks and routines. Too much closeness dampens the flame.
Give each other space - occupy another room, avoid small talk during mini-breaks; alternate between office and WFH arrangements. For sexual desire to flourish, give each other distance.
2. Date nights
No matter how much of a Friends fan you are, nobody can stand watching it the n-th time with you. Break out the routine with date nights, 'nuff said.
3. Find ways to lower your stress
Yes, we are in the midst of a pandemic of the century. It is okay to be anxious and worried. Smell the roses along the way, pick up a bottle of wine at the supermarket, take a long bath, log out from social media. (Don't we hate fear-mongering comments on social media about calling for another lockdowns?) Sexual wellness starts from personal wellness. You'd begin to relax and feel better about the situation, and sexual desire will soon follow.
4. Mismatched libidos do happen, and it's totally fine
Lean into each other's responsive desires - if she's snuggling up to you during a regular Netflix night after dinner; lean into it, how do you feel? The goal here is not that the partner with the lower libido having to give in to responsive desires; but to communicate, listen and empathise.
Sex is one form of physical intimacy, but it is not the only one. Physical intimacy includes cuddling, head pats, tickles, light pecks on the chin - the list goes on. Building up on intimacy is one way to keep the flame burning.
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