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BDSM and Therapeutic Healing

Updated: Sep 29, 2021

More often than not, BDSM has been pathologized and stigmatised as sexual disorders, or at best, sexual deviancy and fantasy fodder. The concept of BDSM - deriving sexual gratification from pain, humiliation or discomfort - is hard for outsiders to fathom, much less to associate it an alternative for holistic healing.



While typically associated with pain and rough sex to the vanilla outsider, BDSM is interdisciplinary in nature, and professional holistic dominatrixes like myself are able to apply key principles of control+abandon, discipline+reward, trust+tension pairs to build connection between somatic and relational healing. BDSM provides a channel for somatic transformational experiences to aid individuals to rewrite narratives and to reenact self-identifications, rebuild new connections and peace with their internalised emotional issues and traumas. BDSM can be hence be leveraged for therapeutic healing within safe spaces if done within a safe spaces with experienced empathic and holistic dominatrixes.


Safe spaces and reclaiming predictability and control in risk-aware negotiation

For individuals with histories of traumas, traumas stem from an experience of spiralling and lost of control and bodily anatomy. A first step towards coping from traumatic incidents would involve understanding and identifying boundaries and particular trigger points, before coming on-top to regain confidence and control of one's self. This ties in with the first step of a professional dominatrix session - negotiation and setting boundaries for the session. Pre-session consultations typically involve rigorous discussions on motivations and experiences, empowering and enabling individuals to negotiate activities, boundaries and safe words. This places control in negotiation with them, giving them a sense of predicability. This is contrasted with their traumatic experiences, where such events are completely unpredictable. This regaining of predicability and control, calms, soothes and heals.


Self-identification, sexual and bodily positivity

Developing a sense of identity is an essential part of growing up. Identity or parts of thereof, are made up of complex, intertwined parts and societal determined labels - gender, sexual orientation, social status, race and ethnicity. During the course of our professional practice, we do see individuals coming in with various self-identification issues - often around gender and sexual orientation. As much as we would like to encourage individuals in the positivity of self-identification, we do understand the topic of identities are also socially negotiated in interactions that occur between and among people - our families, friends, colleagues and societal norms; and sometimes for the worse, influenced by toxic masculinity and socio-conservatism.


To conflicted individuals whom we cross paths with, we typically encourage them onto the path of sexual and bodily positivity, to embrace self-determination - to seek the version of themselves that is confident, happy and free.


Rewiring anxieties and rebuilding trust

Key principles our professional practice includes control+abandon, discipline+reward, trust+tension pairs. Each pair constitutes of a 'negative' element paired with a positive reinforcement, done through mindful and controlled exposure, which allows individuals to experience pain, fear, excitement, arousal and dopamine-rush in a safe and controlled manner, allowing pent-up anxieties and stress to be released. Individuals are able to completely let go, knowing that we will always be there to hold them and to make them feel safe. Total power exchange, relinquishing of control in a mindful and safe space can build safe attunement, rewiring anxieties and rebuilding trust for a better emotional health.


Sexual gratification is not necessarily the primary goal of seeking a professional dominatrix session, but self actualisation, healing and emotional catharsis. *Do note seeking a session with a professional dominatrix session is not a substitute for professional psychotherapy. Do speak with a qualified medical professional where necessary.


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More about our professional ethics as a professional dominatrix in Singapore: here

About FemDom, Goddess Ashley: here

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