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A Beginner's Guide to Anal Play/Bottoming


Oscar Wilde once said, 'Everything is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.'. Whether the great Irish poet said something so vastly controversial or it was erroneously attributed to him, the quote has had made its way into popular culture; notably Frank Underwood quoting it in House of Cards. A reason why the quote has been propagated over the years because it rings true to societal sexual stereotypes and the patriarchy; defining the act of heterosexual intercourse of penetration of a penis into a vagina, as an act of power and establishing dominance. This has hence defined males as the dominant sex in sexual penetration, over females who are in the receiving ends.


Unsurprisingly, the same dynamics is even extended to same-sex relationships (ironic as being, having 'gendered' sexual roles in same-sex relationships, but I digress..) Where tops (the person penetrating) are presumed as masculine and the dominant person, and bottoms (the person getting penetrated) are seen as feminine and the passive person. Even in same-sex intercourse, we construct roles in heterosexist ways.


Such stereotypes serve no purpose, and instead propagates internalised homophobia and sexism, through the association of being penetrated as being weak or demasculinized. Truth is, the act of penetration is a genderless act - be it with a penis or with a strap-on. Penetrating doesn't equate to being the person in power, neither does enjoying being penetrated mean one is the weaker sex or the feminine party!


Not to mention many biological males do derive pleasure from various forms of anal pleasure, be it with a finger, a vibrator, a penis or a strap-on; and the prostate gland has been lovingly coined as the 'male g-spot'. Rather than being a emasculating experience, anal + prostate play can be rather mind quavering orgasmic experience for many!


Yes, let's do it, but how do I get started?

So you decided to take the plunge (pun intended and unintended), how should I get started? Anyone who has entertained the idea of anal play would have a nagging thought at the back of their mind - will it be dirty? While a quick shower and a bidet flush might do the trick, but the best thing to do to put your mind (and probably your partner's) at ease would be a thorough anal douche.


Anal douching isn't even brought up in our hetro-normative sexual education in Singapore, and it is of no surprise that many of us aren't aware of how to douche properly.


Firstly, get an enema bulb. You can get one easily from Shopee or Amazon. An enema bulb is designed for you to squeeze water up your rectum.


To get started, take a shower to make yourself comfortable. It is also ideal to douche in the shower in case things get messy! With a lubricated finger, gently insert it into your rectum to loosen yourself up. You can prop one leg on the toilet or a stool for easy access. Fill the enema bulb with warm water, lubricate the tip then hold the nozzle against your rectum and slowly insert it in, with controlled breathing. Slowly squeeze the enema bulb to release the water, hold it inside you for 10 seconds, before expelling it into the toilet bowl. Repeat, till the water is clear and you are ready to go! Additional tips:

  1. If you can't locate an enema bulb, you can try Fleet, which are available in most drugstore like Watsons. (And if you can't find either, you can actually use a squeezable ketchup bottle, or anything similar which is squeezable and has a nozzle! A new bottle, of course)

  2. Watch your diet 24 hours before play! Avoid food that may cause bowel irritation, such as greasy food, curry or chilis. Having a light meal helps too.

  3. If you are keen to make anal play a regular thing during intimacy, consider switching up your diet. A diet which is full of fibre and consisting of less red meat always makes douching an easier job. Fibre keeps your bowel system moving, which is good for your bowel movement.

For a more detailed step-by-step guide on how to douche, artist Blindjaw has a great infographic:





Lastly, poop happens! Don't be ashamed when it happens, neither should you blame your bottom when it happens! Poop jokes are always great for post-intimacy laughs. :)


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More about our professional ethics as a Professional Dominatrix in Singapore: here

About FemDom, Goddess Ashley: here


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